Soon after I was able to see past the next minute of sobriety, I started thinking about working through the 12 steps of A.A. I remember thinking that Step 4 – “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves” – looked really scary.
I had done a lot of things – and I mean a lot! – that I was not proud of, that were inconsiderate, that were hurtful, and certainly that were stupid and hurt me. So the idea of making a moral inventory had me quaking. Who wants to take inventory of all the things you did wrong, did badly, did in ways that hurt other people? And a moral inventory meant looking deep into those dark places that I liked to cover up with a thick layer of booze and drugs. It also meant looking at the hurts in my life that led to the crazy behaviour of booze and drugs and many other bad choices.
It was a good thing that I had time to prepare for this step, and a group of people who shared their own struggles working through Step 4. I wanted to get sober and stay sober. I truly believed – and I now have 25 years of sobriety to show for it – that I could sober up with the help of A.A. That meant working the A.A. program, all of it.
My experience in A.A. showed that working the A.A. program would help me get sober. So I’ll just close this short post with “it works if you work it!”