While I was writing my blog post last week, I was amazed to see how much reflecting on the fifth step affected me. As I was writing, I was sweating, my hands were shaking, my heart was beating fast and, at times, I was crying. Yet I was thinking about what happened 25 years ago!
So why was writing my last blog post so hard? Here are my reflections from the past week:
- My tears were of relief, appreciation and gratitude for my sobriety and the many gifts I have received as a result of getting and staying sober.
- Writing about Step 5 meant thinking about my personal bottom – how crazy life was in my drinking and drugging days – and that is not fun to remember.
- It also reminded me of my long searching and fearless moral inventory, and the many ways I had hurt others and myself. Again, not fun to remember.
- Working through the 12 steps of A.A. is tough. No matter how you do it, getting sober and staying sober is hard work from those first very shaky hours and days to the gift of months and years of sobriety.
No wonder I was upset. Part of my work in sobriety is to be in the present more – and appreciate it – rather than skipping over what is happening because I am looking for the next adventure, the next big thing. Well, I sure was in the present writing my blog last week!
It has been really good to reflect on those early days. But I sure am grateful that I did not have to go through that again. Writing this blog has reminded my that being sober is a wonderful gift. Taking this year of reflection on sobriety and gratitude has reminded me of the many reasons and ways I am grateful for being sober.